So many ridiculous names, some actual talent and bad art!
Nothing more to say than that – so let’s meet the crazies!
We meet our artists, whom I have categorized by name, my thoughts and potential nickname:
Dusty – He’s cun-try, but I like it. Also, an elementary school art teacher. I like him.
Ugo – Abstract line drawings ala Keith Haring. His name is ridic. But he’s french so maybe it’s a common name? I don’t know. It just looks like it’s missing letters.
Young – Has a mullet.
Jazz-mihn – I can’t hate the spelling of this name enough.
Lola – Someone didn’t pay enough attention to her and so she makes art about people fucking.
Kathryn – The ugly crier!! Also likes to make art that looks like guts.
Leon – He’s deaf. He’s got great hair. He’s always smiling. So I like him.
Michelle – Works with paper – I have high hopes for you, young lady!
Sarah K – Honestly, I don’t know the difference between this Sarah…
Sarah H – And this one.
Bayete – “cultural hybridity”.
Tewz – graffiti artist. His name gets a pass.
Kymia – I don’t even know how to pronounce this.
The Sucklord – Not gonna lie. I’m feein’ Sucklord. He referenced Lord of the Rings within the first 10minuts of this show. He is repeating lines from the book (specifically when Gandalf is blocking the Balrog from passing a bridge…what?! Can’t I like LOTR too?! ). He seems pretty awesome. I want to have whiskey with him and talk about bad movies. Also, he’s apparently 42? He looks 12. I want what he’s having, thanks.
So our erstwhile contestants first challenge was to take a bad piece of art and make it into fine art. I actually like this challenge alot, which worries me. Does this mean the show is learning from the mistakes of last season? Because I find this challenge really fun, exciting and challenging for an artist to stretch their comfort zone a bit. The bad art consisted of a terrible painting of 2 dogs playing poker, a ridiculous 3D ‘painting’ of some woman looking over her shoulder and some sweet 1980’s ultradeco abstract art. Did our artists improve the works?!
Ugo – he had a faux Imperial wall carving and basically took the inspiration from that to do some Keith Haring painting in red. Is it fair to keep calling him a Keith ripoff? Eh. Maybe not. I don’t even dislike his work. it’s just not anything I havent seen before. However, his final piece was beautiful so there’s that. Either way, he LOSES.
Dusty – Took a terrifying clown painting and changed it…to a bigger scary clown painting.
Jazz-minh – Did a painting of someone with their finger as a mustache…yeah. That’s it.
Michelle – Love her. Took a hilarious bald eagle totem pole and created a beautiful paper sculpture to resemble a crawling skeleton going to the totem which was painted an iridescent pearl. Just lovely. And she WINS!
Leon – He made a beautiful BEAUTIFUL paper wreath inspired by a terrible wooden thingy with people holding hands and I don’t even know. But the wreath was just beautiful. Loved it.
Lola – Um. She took a shitty 3D painting/sculpture and basically did nothing to it. She took it apart, took the bits and scattered it around a platform. What the fuck – the judges even LIKED IT. I think Lola will become the thorn in my side this season.
Bayete – Ugh. I understand that he wants to do something about race and class. I get that. But just showing me a black woman and a white woman and tossing some money on a frame is just…boring. It’s not saying anything. It’s not a commentary – it’s just a mess on a canvas. It was just a really easy piece that didn’t get past kitch. There are plenty of contemporary artists who are capable of discussing race in new and clever and eye opening ways. Bayete, in this challenge, is not one of them.
Sucklord – My man wasn’t really successful in morphing the painting of Gandalf into something other than a painting of Gandalf. He made a Femo model of Gandalf actually. With like, an airbrushed galaxy on velvet in a crappy frame. It was pretty awful. His defense of the work was: “I think it looks cool and it’s kinda cute.”.
Which isn’t really a great defense at all. But I want to give him another chance…that rattail on the other hand.
That is indefensible.