Tonight’s episode is all about disappointment – one man is upset that he never got to chill with his bro (who turned into a hoarder later in life…though he hoarded artwork so I call that ‘collecting’ and not ‘hoarding’ so there’s that), and another is a middle class family hard on their luck and needing a quick fix. There will be tears!
Let’s see how they fare and what our Aryan Twins have to say about it!
First we head to the hoarder house. It’s kind of terrifying actually, with the wallpaper falling and garbage pilled to the ceilings…but there is artwork everywhere which makes it totally cozy to me! The Aryan Twins were having a great time going through all the artwork, even sniffing the paint to authenticate works (which I think was pretty neat, actually). Then, they went digging in the back yard for, wait for it, Buried Treasure! They didn’t find anything.
Then the Twins pulled up every grate in the house, and like a real crazy-like-a-fox person, the hoarder was hiding diamonds, sapphires and gold coins in old cans. Que me going through this 100+ year old house I’m living in for my own baubles.
Libertas Americana: REAL – “on a bad day”, worth over $12k
The Baubles: FAKE – bummer, if real, woulda been work upwards of $80k
Pascin Painting: FAKE – and probably made by the hoarder brother (so, at least he was a good painter? that’s something, right?)
Large 17th Century Painting – REALish – Don’t know who made it, but it’s worth $15k
Random Group of Paintings – REAL – “on a bad day”, worth $50k
I love this couple. The guy is so sad that he missed his brother’s life, he cries a lot, and he got some closure with the help of the Aryan Twins. Also adorable: When he got to NYC he said “I’ve never seen so many tall buildings in my life”. I remember feeling that the first time I got to NYC too. Magical.
Our next stop is Shaker Heights where the Lowe’s live and are clearly unbearable white-people. Our introduction to them is a father saying to his son “you appeared to enjoy Macbeth more…”. Ugh. Then the kids talking about wanting to go to Med School so he can help impoverished peoples after a catastrophe. Ugh. Then some of the items were broken due to, according to the father, ‘kitty cat damage’ (ie. cat knocking it over). Ugh. I kind of want everything to be worthless just to wipe some of the smug off my tv, but hey, maybe they aren’t really so bad when the camera’s off them?
We are taken through the house and first thing we get to the 19th century Japanese porn, which is pretty cool but not worth terribly much (though I would absolutely keep and put on display because that shit is awesome). These people basically have a house full of shit they think is worth a lot of money and have had tons of auctioneers and appraisers put a value on. Will their Pre-Columbian Warrior statue, Chinese Bronze Bowl and Shaman’s Rattle be worth anything?
The Pre-Columbian Warrior: FAKE – worth about $200.
Shaman’s Rattle: REAL – worth at auction about $10k (holy crap!)
Chinese Bronze Bowl: REAL – Han Dynasty 1100BC and worth about $100k (HOLY CRAP).
Guess their kids really can afford to go to med school now! Well, for a while anyway until the $100k runs out and they have to pay the rest of the $100k in tuition.
Aaaaannnddd I’m an awful cynic.