Ok. well as you’ve guessed, I am not a big fan of kid art. And Im well aware of how that sounds. Yes. Like an asshole. I sound like an asshole. It’s not that I think kids are bad artists – shit, I was a kid artist! I used to make my poor mom look at every single portrait of her I made – oversized eyes, stringy scribble-hair and all. But I mean, as inspiring and wonderful as looking at kid work is – it ain’t a masterpiece. I mean for christ’s sake, the sky is yellow and the grass is blue?! Don’t these kids know their color wheel?
I kid. mostly. So let’s move on from my shallow, cavernous uterus lacking the burn to be occupied by a fetus and move on to the show, shall we? Besides, I get enough childlike art from these jokers.
Tits McGee notes that art was really a way for her “to communicate herself” – whatever that fucking means – hope Im not misunderestimating her…that would be regretfulable. Ryan has the revolutionary idea of using his non-dominant hand to draw jerky lines with a pencil. The mentor, Simon, says this was too “literal” for the childlike challenge they have, Ryan looks confused, repeats Simon’s concerns and looks confused again. Peregrine made a paper mache unicorn…and has an ashtray full of candy cigarettes. While I had both of these things in my life as a child…I don’t need them in adulthood. If I want to see unicorns, then Ill drink more often. And if I want cigarettes around me, Ill drink more often (because I never got into smoking). Im ok with the idea, but fuck people – Im here to look at art!
Im not here to look at you making papermache magical animals because you watched Princess Bride recently and you are feeling nostalgic. That shit is tacky. It’s boring. It’ s amateur. It’s art school, and Im so far from interested in your childhood memories being expressed this way and I wish I could just pop in Rambo or something to get my mind off things and be done with this shit already.
Tits McGee likes mind games. She’s doing SpinArt…
I did too. It always came out terrible – never as good as the instructions. Or what about the one where you made the design in a pool of paint, and then laid the paper on top – but inevitably the design would get muddled and was less than psychadellic. And then you just tore up the paper, got paint all over your hands and bitched about how stupid this thing was…until you used it again the next day.
But none of this matters because she decides not to do spin art anymore and instead moves to the Rorschak…
Jeff Koons’ coattails.
Me naked in an art piece I did for cancer research. Me naked in a piece I did for a book cover – which is for a story that does not involve any nude people. Me naked in a self portrait to blow people’s minds? Me naked…for no reason at all?
On the other side of the room:
Ryan: “Im kinda starting to see…now that…Myles is kinda this big douchebag”
KINDA?! moving on!
During the review of the works we find that apparently Peregrine’s unicorn is about her friends who died of AIDS. Which is awful…but doesn’t necessarily speak to a childlike experience…not to mention her then enthusiastic explanation of the candy-like drugs and fantasy mix. Curious.
Ryan: “the work is a cathartic event – about excavating my thoughts” – that, my friends, is epic bullshit artist speak for “I don’t really know what I did here, but I want you to think this is deeper than it really is”. Funnily enough, Bill Powers, gallery owner, noted that the work felt ‘contrived’. I second this word usage.
Nicole created someone that looked like middleschool lunch trays and stacked them: a poor mans Donald Judd if you will. Here is a Judd (right). To the untrained eye…ok, ok, I’ll just say it. It’s kinda boring. It’s a bunch of boxes stacked. In fact, that’s the name. “Stack”. Is it thrilling to me? No. Is it important for the world of the arts, color and design? Yes it is. And while this Judd piece might not be earth shattering to those who didn’t grow up in the age of minimalist art, it is still more realized than Nicole’s work – but I guess I’ll give her points for effort.
Ryan’s work of art didn’t work for them. “I think my work was totally childish” – yes, Ryan. It was.
The bigger question is, what if no one’s work works for me? Don’t I get a say?!!?!