Work of Art: A Public Service Announcement

junkyardarts July 29, 2010 Comments Off on Work of Art: A Public Service Announcement

“I haven’t felt good about a piece of work I’ve done since [the beginning]” – Abdi

That about sums it up this episode of Work of Art.

This episode the artists must do work that reflects or speaks about ‘duality’.  Can our one dimensional crew of bumbling artists come up with something both interesting and intriguing? Doubtful, but let’s see how they do!

Mark and Peregrine struggle to come up with something to represent Heaven and Hell.  Mark wants to go uuber literal,  Peregrine claims she is more conceptual in her art, though she gave us a noodle wrapped unicorn last episode so lets see.  At one point Mark decides that Peregrine should be naked in a photograph…for what fucking reason, I dont know.  Peregrine looks extremely uncomfortable at the prospect but then says “if you think you need me in a state of undress for the piece to work…then…”

**WARNING! BULLSHIT ARTIST ALERT!!**

If you are receiving this message it is because some douchebag artist is trying to get you to take your clothes off on film.  If ‘an artist’ approaches you and mentions doing something ‘provocative’, ‘exciting’, ‘controversial’ or ‘tasteful’ he is trying to get you naked.  If he compliments your ‘brilliant talent’ or ‘natural ability’ or that you ‘seem like someone that really wants to do something important’, then he is trying to get you to take your clothes off.  Whatever you do, do not take your clothes off.  Said ‘artist’ will inevitable 1. jerk off to your likeness, 2. create a terrible piece of art, 3. show the terrible piece of art to all his buddies and 4. they will jerk off to your likeness.

Interestingly Peregrine asks Mark to take a photo of himself topless…and shockmeshockme Mark is uncomfortable naked in the work and ‘doesn’t really see why [he] needs to be topless’.  The Irony! It Burns!!

Tits and Myles are working together, and ugh, of course, they get Female and Male.  Which apparently represent duality to the Work of Art people…but what else do I expect?  Immediately everyone speculates on how long it will take for Tits to get naked.  Apparently the answer to that is…30minutes.  See, Myles decides it is his mission to try to get Tits naked.  Because he apparently hasn’t seen any of her other work recently, or he is just hankering for some nudity but can’t get to a computer, or he’s a massive dick head who wants to see if he can coerce his partner into being naked for his own entertainment.

***WARNING!  BULLSHIT ARTIST ALERT!!***

If you are receiving this message it is because someone is using your need to please others to exploit you sexually.  If the only suggestion your artist partner has is “you should be naked” or “I think if you were nude…” or “yeah…but if you maybe we nude and covering…or just nude” then he is trying to get a look at your ‘parts’.  If your partner continues to egg you on to continue getting more nude, or show your nude works to other people, he might be a sexual predator…use caution or punch him the fuck out and run in the opposite direction.

Of course, Tits didn’t have a friendly face to tell her “sweetheart – you don’t need to get naked for boys to like you”, but alas she decides to take a photograph of herself naked and clearly masturbating.  Ugh.

***WARNING!! BULLSHIT ARTIST ALERT!!!***

If you are receiving this, it is because an artist is trying to convince you that their flat, one dimensional and obvious work is really deep and penetrating – this is particularly dangerous if it involves a naked woman.  If an artist’s body of work consists of only their naked body in the most obvious form, they might be a bullshit artist.  If an artist tries to convince you that their glaring, naked portrait is representative of something deeper, something iconic but it looks like a Polaroid of them naked in front of a mirror, they might be a bullshit artist.  If an artist uses the word ‘cathartic’ when describing getting naked on film, they are probably a bullshit artist.  The proper response should be as follows : porn is free.  the sexual revolution was 30 yrs ago. shock art was over in the 80’s. If you need to work things out in your art, please make an attempt to covey some sense of depth and understanding of your actions. Thank you.

In the end, the idea behind Female and Male apparently is men lose control and punch walls, and ladies gain control by masturbating…standing up.  Moving on!  Heaven and Hell was light and dark – Mark was uncomfortable being topless…what a clueless jerk.  And why haven’t I mentioned Abdi’s and Nicole’s work?  Order and Chaos was so boring it isn’t even worth mentioning.  Judge Jerry Saltz said it best when said “it doesn’t take you anywhere, it doesn’t tell you about it, it doesn’t tell you about anything. It doesn’t tell you anything about anything!”.

The conclusion: Tits and Myles won for their stereotypical, masturbatory piece of annoyance.

Mark’s work of art didn’t work for them.  Peace out, homeslice.

Next episode: who knows? The preview was bizarre.  For all I know, they could be in a field, lined up and shot…and just in case, Im watching!  Chill – till the next episode.

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